28th November 2010

I can’t believe I don’t want to see you.

That I have come so far.

But I know that you have too much power over me.

You could make me love you or make me want to kill you with just one look.

So the safe option is just not too see you.

5th October 2010

Dear Lee 

There is no point telling you how I feel.

You don’t care.

It just comes across wrong.

I better just forget it.

Forget you exist.

27th September 2010

Dear Lee

I’m so glad I got to talk to you today. I love to hear your voice.

I know you want me to move on and I really am trying to, but  we have so much in common it’s like we are the same person. We want the same future. Even if we can’t have it together.  

23rd August 2010

Thank you for making me not want to be with you, you were the argumentative, accusing self today. And your right I don't like you, or rather I don't like the feeling of being judged and belittled.

I accept.

We had 2 more days and I don't know if it made things easier or harder. I know it hurts so much that you didn't want to contact me even through your brother. Maybe that is why I find it easier not to come knocking on your door anymore, that and the van parked on your drive and seeing you so happy at the car boot.

Thursday 17th June 2010

I remember all the times I asked you to leave me alone, all the times I said I never wanted to see you again. Now my wish has come true, I got what I asked for.

And it feels like emptiness. It feels like a big black hole in my chest.

I went to your house last night, My mouth went dry, my heart beat at a million miles an hour as I knocked on your door.

You were not in or you did not answer.

I woke up today thinking that it was a crazy moment of madness and seeing you will not solve anything. I have to go through this process.

Everything passes.