Dear Lee
I dreamt about you this morning, I met you at Glastonbury Festival. I got to spend a small amount of time with you but then you said you had to work and went away. I spent the rest of the dream walking around stalls looking at strange objects. I must have brought 4 cones of metal with organic patterns embossed into them. I carried them around with me.
Tonight I realised this strange unease at having the dream, will leave me. That when I am old and senile I won’t remember how I felt in your company, I won’t remember what loosing you was like. I will be able to look at a photograph of you and feel nothing. So I should enjoy this unease while I can, before I feel nothing.
I may never fall in love again, never feel this depth of emotion again, never hurt again.
And it will only fade in time. It’s 20 years since Dee left me and I feel nothing. I know it was the most horrific grief at the time but now it is gone, not just forgotten, gone. If you forget you can recall if you try hard enough. I can’t recall that pain now.
So I will enjoy this moment before it disappears in time, before I am unable to feel. Before I loose my mind.
I hope I never forget how much I loved you but I fear I will.
Jeepers